Meltdown

When Jon and I were dating. I had to cancel a date because I was having an asthma flareup. I was sick, and embarrassed, so I told Jon to stay home. Instead he came to my apartment with cheesy poofs and grape soda? Why? Because it makes you feel better.
And it did.
Love that guy.

Yesterday:
I woke up with a cough and chest pain.
For most people, a cough is no big deal.
I have severe asthma and a tiny, angry left lung.
My coughs are pathetic, and they hurt like a sonofabitch.
A cough for me is usually a sign of serious crap in my lungs, and at the least a pain in my ass.

So I had that going for me, which was nice.

We are also on week 2 of Jon working all day and night, leaving me with no downtime, or quality grownup time, and therefore super chipper.

And a big PTA even is coming up, so of course I am freaking out needlessly.

Then I had a "meeting" with a school administrator about an issue I was and continued to be concerned about, not just for my kids but for a lot of kids who I think are not being served as best they could. The "meeting" was held while standing up in the hallway. So immediately I felt about as valued as a speck of dust. I was given a very nice, noncommittal answer that I didn't like. I understood it. I was still pissed.

And that was all it took.
Before I got out of the school, I had broken into tears.
I am not usually one for public crying.
So I felt AWESOME.

Luckily, the handful of people who saw me know me well enough not to crowd me. I shut myself in a room, and collected myself. Sort of.

So I made it to my car and left a weepy message on Jon's voicemail.

Then I went to the grocery store and bought some emergency face powder. Being a wreck is no reason to be blotchy.

So I took myself over to Urgent Care hoping to score some heavy cough syrup.
Turns out I was waay sicker than I thought, and I needed a lot more than codeine.

Poppa wasa great other husband to be yesterday. We had homemade soup that I didn't make, and he let me take a nap yesterday and today.

And Jon came home at 9ish with grape soda and cheesy poofs.

I am now on lots of meds, a littler better rested, and still barely grumpy.

I put the kids in a Parents Night Out thingy till 10 tonight. I may take myself to the movies. I may take myself out to a movie, or more napping.
But I am waay better.
And that, was my meltdown.

Angry Mom

I know the following about myself and try to manage the best I can.

• I do not have the world's longest temper
• I have a tendency to curse like a trucker, especially when fired up
• I can tend to be a little high energy, I like to think it's part of my charm.
• I really, REALLY HATE being told to "calm down" or "relax", except for maybe in medical situations when the reminder doesn't hurt.

*I am not joking in the least about that one, and if you think you are going to be cute and tell me to calm down know that I may go West Side on your ass and throw an elbow, don't think I won't. See number one of things I know about myself.

So, obviously, when parenting, I try to minimize all of these little gems, and I go a little Zen on my kids for the most part.
Although SB has a cute little habit of counting my swears, she doesn't need to hear them all the time. Nor does she need to use that talent of hers often.

It may sound lame, but I do lots of shit to keep calm and regulate the kids when they are acting like fools.
I count to ten. Or twenty. In French (it takes a little longer).
I leave the room when they are throwing a tantrum, rather than paying them attention.
I speak softer,slower, or not at all, when they are yelling at me or each other (A wonder Ritz Carlton service trick I will keep with me always).
And, when all of that doesn't work. I will look those little screaming, writhing, angels in the eyes and tell them that if they don't get their minds right in a hurry, Mommy will have a FREAK OUT!
They don't know entirely what that means, but they know it can't be good.

Lately, however, Angry Mom has been stepping in.
Jon is working on something big, so he's been working from 6am-9pm every day for the last two weeks. Every day. Including weekends and National Holidays. Motherfucker.
PTA deadlines have been in full swing, and there has been a lot of cash to keep track of.
So basically, stress is setting in.

Hence, Angry Mom.
Angry Mom turns off the TV and walks away.
Angry Mom raises her voice when the kids talk back.
Angry Mom takes No shit. From anyone. Ever.

So one morning, when the kids were late for an even that was not school, and therefore optional, I informed them that I had enough of this craziness. I would not be yelled at because I picked out the wrong pair of shoes for an able bodied child who is perfectly capable of getting one's own shoes. And they needed to get it together or perish.
Those may have been my exact words. Angry mom has a vocabulary.

My mother in law, hearing all this, tells me "Honey, just calm down"'

Awww SNAP!

"I love you. I will not calm down."

My Father in Law says, "Let her yell, she never yells. It's good for them"

She says it again."I know, but you need to relax."

Snap. SNAP!

So, Angry Mom did not yell and rant at her mother in law. She kissed her on the head. went to the living room, counted backwards from 100 by threes in french (no shit, or merde, in this case)
and came back, said thanks for the tip, swooped up the kids, and left.

SB, my awesome kid who knows about Angry Mom and why she came to be with us for that week, said, "Mom, i don't like it when you have a Freak Out, but I get it. Mommy Need a Hug?".
"Yes indeedy Princess. Mommy would LOVE a hug."
Awesome, kid. Love you.