That's Right, I have Professional Help, Now Back Off

I love everybody.
I know we are a village, and I am actually pretty receptive to constructive criticism.
No, really.
Especially when it's about parenting.
I don't have all the answers. I never have. Doubt I ever will.
I want to raise strong, confident, smart, respectful, well (ish) behaved kids who are not overly spoiled, who know they are loved and valued and respected. And I'm willing to work to get them .

SB is an awesome kid, and I get her.
She is very similar in temperament (and attitude and drama and ego) to my younger sister, and since I raised my sister, I can raise SB. With a little tweaking.

Jonny is a different kid.
I HATE it when you have two different kids with two different personalities and you actually have to treat them differently!
What are they, individuals?

He is all boy. He is powerful. He is very attached to his momma.
And he has me wrapped around his finger. And I am totally aware.
He has little currency. You can sticker chart him or give him time outs until the cows come home. Nada.

So with my first real hurdle, getting the boy to go to school without World War Three, I took the school advice and watched the parenting videos.
Hurt my ego a little, but helped in the short run.
And like I said, I am over myself when it comes to being a mom.
So over myself.

It worked, but I didn't want to train my kids like I train a dog. I want them to do good stuff because it's the right thing to do. I want them to be confident and powerful. And I want them to use those attributes for good and not evil.

So, I got professional help. I have a friend who is a parenting coach, so I jumped at her offer to help.
Meghan is the shit.
I have no other way to adequately sum up how awesome she has been for my family and my self esteem.
She helped me figure out why Jonny does this crazy stuff, and what he's looking for from me.
When I water a plant. It grows.
When I pay attention to his good behavior, it grows.
Fricking Genius.

I also learned what's important and what is optional.
Going to school: Important
Making Jonny wear clothes instead of Jammies: optional.

SO, I get Jonny to school one day and he has a meltdown.
I talk him through it, and try to wait it out.
All the while I can feel the eyes on me.
The judging eyes.

I get him to school, after 20 minutes of crazy in the parking lot, and here comes the unsolicited advice.
"Do you use sticker charts?"
"Do you need more books or videos?"
"Do you try time outs?"
"Just drag him in and run"
"Put your foot down"
Finally, I just announced to the preschool staff at the front door, "I have a parenting coach. We are doing great."

Holy shit. I am REALLY trying here.
So I call Meghan from the car, dangerously close to a tantrum of my own.
She's like my sponsor and my hot line all in one.
She reminded me that I am a great parent, and that everyone has bad days.
Especially 5 year olds.

She also helped me realize that all that advice really was meant with the best intentions, not part of a conspiracy to make me feel like shit.
And that everyone else doesn't see the work we put into our awesome relationship, and how great we really are doing as a family.

SO I got this.
I really do.
And don't judge if the boy shows up for pre-school in his PJ's again.
Now, if we still have this issue in 3rd grade, feel free to judge.

Hot Pink Vomit

By the way, when a five year old who love berries eats 8 oz of blueberries in a sitting and later throws up at 2am, everything turns magenta.
Awesome.

Clearly the elementary school my children go to is part of some secret biological research facility that I am not aware of.
Why else are my kids getting so sick so often this winter.
I hate winter.
Syd get sick. we disinfect.
Jonny gets sick. we disinfect.
Wait a week. repeat.

And every time I report to school what the kids have and why we won't be in, I get the standard response.
"Oh, it's going around."
What the fuck!?
STOP this bad boy from going around again!
We get flu shots. We take our Flintstones.
I have nothing other to blame than a conspiracy by THE MAN.

I want a bubble, where the kids get hosed down with Purel before and after leaving school.
I think PTA funds can cover that, don't you?

Jesus Mary and Joseph.
I don't think I can take much more of this.