So, life with Jonny has always been about struggle. Not huge, earth shattering struggles, but struggles about things like clothes, shoes and underpants. Struggles that make you want to laugh and cry and pull out your hair. And cry in the school parking lot. If that was an Olympic Event, you'd be looking at the gold medalist.
But life is getting better. Kindergarten is going well for Jonny. He is making friends, getting help with speech and reading. He is wearing the right shoes and pants and not bursting into flames. Victory.
So am I still waiting for the battles?
Granted, we still have hiccups. Like a couple days ago when it was Pajama day for his class. I hate Fucking Pajama Day. Jonny didn't understand why it would ever be OK to wear PJ's to school, so he skipped it. He didn't want to go to school at all, but after 3 days of frustration and asking the teacher and counselor to intervene, he went to PJ day. Fucking Pajama Day. Why can't it just be easy?
But are my expectations too low because I am so used to viewing socks and underpants as a victory?
Today we had the first ever conference for Jonny where we didn't talk about clothes or his sensory issues. He is reading, he is doing great. Sometimes he doesn't try very hard. But all in all, great.
I left that place feeling like a fricking hero.
First. I didn't cry.
Second, he's improving exponentially.
Victory, right?
Then my husband points out that if it was out daughter, we would jump on her for not living up to her potential.
And he's right.
I really hate it when he's right.
So now the focus has to shift.
Clothes and shoes are no longer a battle, because we know he can do it.
Writing is no longer a battle because we know he can do it.
So now I have to expect him to do what he can, rather than letting him get away with doing less because I am waiting for him to blow up when he doesn't like it, or when it doesn't feel comfortable.
Fuck.
Am I coddling him?
How do I stop?
No idea.
I am just going to take it one day at a time. I know he's an awesome kid. I just have to let him be awesome, and stop expecting the meltdown. The meltdown may never happen.
I hope. I hope.
And hey, he's still wearing underpants!!!
