Normal is a setting on the dryer

I saw a picture on the web the other day. The little girl asks her mom what "normal" is, the mother responds that it's a setting on the dryer.  If that doesn't sum up my life so far, I don't know what else does.

As I get older, I get more and more sick and tired of people trying to put me (and my family) in a box. Yes, it's true, we love labels. They make classifying things super easy. I love labels too. For my sewing supplies and kids' toy bins. After that, not so much.

• I am a city girl who likes Art Museums and concrete and riding horses in WV and hiking in mud.
• I  am a gun owner who thinks that universal background checks are a good thing. I also think that if you don't want to tell me what kind of gun I can own, you sure as hell shouldn't tell me who I can marry.
• I curse like a sailor for many reasons, but one of which is that I don't like society making rules for me.
• I am a substitute teacher who loves the constant change and challenge.
• I also get tired of all those adorable little angels sometimes, and I enjoy my quiet time.
• I collect coins, and cowboy boots.
• I learned how to sew a couple of years ago. I like it.
• I like historical fiction and stories about vampires. Preferably together.
• I continue to take karate after my daughter decided to stop, because I like it. And because it's something I can do for myself. And I love the workout.

I am trying to teach my kids that we don't have to fit in boxes. My daughter loves softball, and math, and dolls. She has a lot of friends that are boys. Sometimes she gets some 9 year old attitude from her friends because she doesn't fit a stereotype. I ask her, what fun is that?

My son is a HUGE kid who is not crazy about sports. He will not wear jeans. ever.  He loves animals, has a smallish number of amazing friends. He's not a huge fan of birthday parties or large crowds. He's introverted, but crazy when you get to know him.

My husband is also not small. He is very smart. He is introverted too. And he gets bigger when he thinks that I or the kids may be in danger. It's really handy at sporting events. He likes to hunt, and he collects tropical fish. He also really likes me and puts up with my shit, and he is the forest through my trees. I know, weird right?

We live in a biggish house in the burbs with his parents in the in law because it works for us. His mom has special needs, but don't we all?

We're going to Disney World this summer for the adults as much as the kids. And we're going to WV for the rest of the summer because it work for us.

Sorry if  we don't fit into a box, or a setting on the dryer, but I kind of like it that way.

The Light Switch Has Turned On!

I was substitute teaching in the kids' school yesterday when Jonny's teacher beckoned me over. Our school has no walls (don' get me started), so the beckon is not a tough thing to do. Guess who has not only met the grade expectations for reading, but exceeded them? Damn right!

Was I happy? YES! Surprised? Hell no.

Since he has been in various preschools, I have been told

• Jonny has a speech problem (he does, but he is now improving thanks to the help of a therapist, and is now seeing her only once a week).
• Jonny may be autistic (he's been tested. Nope)
• Jonny is a powerful child with a strong personality (No doubt. Look at his parents)
• Jonny may have sensory processing issues (He does, and they are mild)
• I am a pushover and need to "put my foot down". 
• I am crazy and he's doing just fine. 

Some of these things may be true, they may be not. But we have to keep going and find out what works for us, and for Jonny.

I have a dear friend that I met through the grace of God a few summers back. She saw the specialness in Jonny, and both my kids.  The kind nurturer that he is, and the nervous wreck that I was. Jonny wanted to ride ponies on vacation since he loves animals. However, if you bark commands at him and expect him to let you just lift him up onto a saddle without even a hello, you have something coming. Angie saw this, and has been a part of our life ever since.
She is working on a presentation about Jonny for a conference: "Letting Go of Preconceived Ideas and Experiencing Success in the Classroom". That's us. Boom!

So this is what I wrote her:

The thing I wish I could scream from the mountain tops is not to put your kid in a box, and not to let others do so as well. It may be easy to slap a label on a kid, but you have to look beyond that., You have to look beyond your own issues and hang ups and preconceptions about what or who your kid is, and deal with what you have. Because it's usually pretty great. Tools are great, and it's great to know "why" things are happening. But once you figure out the why, you have to deal with the how, and teach your kid to deal. Find the great and nurture it.

 

My kid is loving, and nurturing, and sensitive, and he loves animals. They give him joy, and something to talk to that won't judge him, and a source of confidence. So I use that, and it has been amazing, for all of us.

 

We as adults take a lot of liberties. We want kids to all be extroverts. We want to be able to touch kids on their heads, or give them hugs, without a protest. Not all kids are like that. Do you like getting hugged by strangers. Does it take a grownup some practice to look someone in the eye? DO you like it when people can't understand you and keep asking you o repeat yourself?

 

My son has sensory processing disorder. He has a trouble getting over stuff. He wants things to be a certain way, and when they're not, he has a hard time with the transition. The tough part is that some of the time, this leads to tantrums. Or fits, or completely freak outs.

 

They used to make me crazy, But this is not about me. This is about him. I have learned (through my parent coach) that what is watered will grow. I do not water his tantrums by feeding them. I stay close, but I don't yell. I just keep a normal tone and I tell him I will be here when he' ready. Because I will.

Jonny has made huge strides with the help of others. With Angie, Dan, and Keith, he has gained a huge amount of confidence in 2 summers. This confidence has carried over into his school and home life. With the help of his teachers and reading specialists and speech therapists and occupational therapists he is moving ahead. He is doing so well he doesn't even need some of them anymore! This is great, because he really hates being pulled out of class. That in of itself is amazing, since just a year ago he hated school. Now he doesn't want to miss any of it!

And a huge shout out goes to his sister, who reads to him every night and will kick your hiney if you say anything bad about her brother. Really. She will.

 

I recently found out that he has jumped 5 reading levels since the start of the school year! He is now above grade level, not below!

 

The light switch has turned on. But we're not done yet. We have to maintain. And I am so grateful to everyone who has helped to make this happen. It really does take a village.

And if you see Jonny, DO NOT CONGRATULATE HIM. He doesn't like the attention. Just say hi and tell him he looks good. He likes that.